The Gentle Startup is a script we use to communicate and own our feelings and needs without placing blame.

Does it feel like every time you communicate with your spouse or partner it comes out as a criticism? Or maybe, it is the opposite. Maybe the majority of your partner or spouse’s communication comes out as a criticism and you feel as if your partner can see nothing good in you anymore. Even though you are trying and doing your best it never seems good enough.

That is the thing with criticism. It leaves little space for identifying needs but instead focuses solely on the character flaws of the one we claim to love the most.

This next series of blog posts are focused on helping you identify those things that are pulling you away from your spouse. I pull from the over 40 years of couples research conducted by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman to help you identify what it is that is wrong in your relationship.

The Gottmans have identified what they call the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These 4 Horsemen are as follows: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling. These are the top 4 characteristics the Gottmans found in their over 4 decades of research that are consistent in couples across cultures, genders, and sexual identifications.

Have you ever heard someone talking about a really bad experience in therapy? Unfortunately, I have one too many times. Therapy is something that is supposed to be healing and life-changing in the best of ways. However, there are experiences people have where they were just with a “bad therapist.” But what about those instances where we have not been a “good client”?

Good, effective therapy can be the most transformative choice a person can make in their life. Unfortunately, there are many barriers that halt the transformative process. The good news is while these barriers are legitimate, they should not be seen as impassable but as an opportunity to demonstrate your investment into your value. Let us break these down.

Boundaries are the rules and limits we put in place to protect ourselves and others. These are some of the hardest but most loving things you can implement in life to care for yourself and others. Boundaries protect your relationships from things like contempt or resentment. Boundaries help us preserve a rhythm in life that allows for our autonomy and the autonomy of others to be respected and valued.

“Do you take my insurance?” is a question I get asked on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. My answer is almost always “maybe” but let me tell you why.

There seem to be endless, different representations of therapy and counseling through media. There is the classic client laying on the couch speaking to a boring therapist with no personality (“How does that make you feel?”), or the eccentric therapist who helps the troubled genius get their ducks in a row (“Good Will Hunting” anyone?). Either way, people generally have quite a few myths built up due to the stigmas in society and the underrepresentation of counseling and therapy in media.

What to expect during your first therapy session.

While the ”tides are changing,” there is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health treatment. I’d love to clarify the top 5 truths about therapy, counseling, and psychotherapy in Long Beach, CA.

Something else I continue running into is that often people do not understand what therapy actually is, how it works, and how it SHOULD look. You probably have a ton of questions- that is completely normal and honestly, a really GOOD thing!

Long Beach is such an incredible place to live. From the amazing parks to incredible community activities - could it be more idyllic? Even though Long Beach is incredible it does not mean that life won’t throw a curveball your way. If you are looking for support through a coach, counselor, therapist, or psychologist, I would like to help!