What makes a “Bad Therapist” and a “Good Client?”
Have you ever heard someone talking about a really bad experience in therapy? Unfortunately, I have one too many times. Therapy is something that is supposed to be healing and life-changing in the best of ways. However, there are experiences people have where they were just with a “bad therapist.” But what about those instances where we have not been a “good client”?
So what makes a “bad therapist” and a “good client?” How can we find that sweet spot in the therapeutic relationship to hone into the potential for healing and transformation?
I’ve listed the three characteristics I have noticed as themes for what people experience as “bad therapists” and what professional peers find as “good clients.” Let's take a look!
What makes a “Bad Therapist?”
Do not actively listen: There is nothing like spending time and money to see a therapist who could care less about what you are saying. Active listening can be defined as “a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It’s about being present, listening to understand (not respond), and showing active interest and engagement in the dialogue.” This involves eye contact, body language expressing understanding (e.g., head nodding), and paraphrasing what a person has said to communicate understanding. All too often I have heard horror stories of therapists completely distracted or uninterested in their client’s pain. I have even heard of a therapist chowing down on their lunch in the middle of a session, a prime example of not actively listening.
Not working towards the client’s goals: A person seeking therapy is generally pursuing treatment with very specific intentions. These intentions are normally articulated as goals in treatment. Goals are very important because they help us measure progress. Now sometimes these goals are fluid and change throughout the course of treatment as the client changes and grow. However, if your therapist has completely ignored your goal as a client this is a red flag that treatment may not be “client-centered” (i.e., it is not about you and your healing).
Inappropriate self-disclosure (i.e., making the sessions about them): Self-disclosure is the process of a therapist sharing personal information or stories with their clients. In school, therapists are taught to use self-disclosure sparingly and ONLY if it is client-centered. Self-disclosure can be a powerful tool for building trust in the therapeutic relationship and may actually illustrate skills a client may be learning. However, self-disclosure is tricky and can quickly turn a session from client-focused to therapist-focused. Therapy is about the client and their healing, NOT the therapist's. If you feel as if your sessions are more about your therapist rather than you, it might be a sign that that therapist is not for you.
So what makes a “Good Client?”
Motivation: In my personal experiences, I love working with clients who are motivated and willing to put in the work for their healing and transformation. A “good client” is a person who follows through with therapy homework and actively tries to apply what they are learning. As I often say, “It does not work if you do not do the work.” We can talk until we are blue in the face during therapy, but unless a person is willing to apply what they are learning, there is not going to be change and healing.
Open to change: Another key quality therapists appreciate in clients is an openness to change, even if there are growing pains (and there will be growing pains). It is frustrating as a professional to watch a client be upset with their life situations and mental health conditions, but are not receptive to learning and making needed changes. Necessary life changes take time and are not initially pleasant or gratifying. Trust me, your therapist knows this. But you are seeing your therapist because they are not emotionally involved in your life and can often see situations more clearly since they are not emotionally involved. Trust the process and be open to the change.
Consistency and on-time: This is a big one. Research has shown us that consistent therapy is the most effective therapy. Unless a client is in the last stage of treatment, which is the maintenance of progress made, weekly sessions are the most effective. Especially if a person is working through significant mental health challenges, it is very important for there to be consistency in treatment as treatment often builds off of each session. Sessions build through reinforcing skills learned and insight gained by the client. When a client is randomly seeing a therapist every 1 to 6 months it is very difficult to build rapport, identify themes, and reinforce/teach needed skills to manage mental health and relational needs. In addition, a key characteristic of a “good client” is being on time for sessions. Aside from this being a sign of respect toward the therapist, there is generally a lot that needs to be covered in a therapy appointment. Every minute counts, hence why it is so important for both the therapist and the client to be on time.
Of course, there are many other characteristics and experiences that might make a person a “bad therapist” or a “good client,” but, at the end of the day, we are all human and working to be aware, grow, and work to develop.
Are you ready to start your healing process? Are you sick of just surviving whether it is due to a bad relationship, out-of-control anxiety, or life changes that took you by surprise? If you are, give me a call today at 562-353-7136 for your FREE 15-minute consultation to see if I can help in your healing. If I am not, I would be happy to help you find the right therapist.
