The 3rd Horseman: Contempt
Contempt is the ultimate form of disrespect to your partner and absolute poison in a relationship.
Couples Counseling in Long Beach, CA
This is it. The big one. The Big Kahuna of relationships. Contempt. According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, Contempt is the number one relationship killer and predictor of divorce. In fact, he and his colleague were able to predict with over 90% accuracy which couples would stay together or end their relationship based on measuring this key trait. So what the heck is it and why is it so dangerous in a relationship?
More than Criticism
Contempt is so much more than criticizing a person. Contempt is the assumption of “moral superiority” over another person. In other words, “I am better than you.” Contempt creeps out in relationships through mocking and biting sarcasm, rolling your eyes, and calling your partner names. Often times contempt is built over time, simmering under the surface of a relationship and bubbling over in disgust. Contempt is the ultimate form of disrespect to your partner and absolute poison in a relationship.
When contempt is in relationships it often overshadows an individual’s ability to see the positive qualities in their partner. This often launches the individual into negative sentiment override, which is the inability to see any positivity in another person or situation. So what are some examples of contemptuous behaviors or words:
“You are so stupid, why would you ever discipline the kids that way?”
Partner one tells a joke, partner two scoffs and rolls their eyes (partner two is displaying contempt)
“I learned how to tell the time when I was 5 years old, when are you going to learn?”
What do we do about it?
In couples counseling, we address and work towards eliminating this relationship killer as quickly as possible. When contempt is eliminated it absolutely transforms relationships into healthy, safe, and supportive spaces. We use the antidote to contempt discovered by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman to rebuild relationships and establish healthy communication and conflict management skills.
If you and your partner are tired of the contempt and conflict in your relationship call today for your FREE 15-minute consultation or schedule online. You do not need to be living this way any longer. There is hope for peace in your relationship.
Keywords: Marriage therapy near me, couples counseling near me, Gottman Method, The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Relationship, Conflict Resolution, Conflict management
