Why Couples Ask This Question

Man, couples therapy is a vulnerable thing. Therapy is already vulnerable, but then you throw in going with your partner and “airing out the dirty laundry” of a relationship. Phew. Talk about brave and courageus. Something I hear all the time is that couples therapy takes so much time, it costs A TON of money, and what if it doesn’t “fix us?” All of which I would say, yep. I hear you.

Couples Therapy is an investment and I can understand why couples would even ask the question, “Is it worth going to couples therapy.” I want to tell you why it is so incredibly worth it, especially when you seek couples counseling from a therapist who uses the Gottman Method.

What are you trying to achieve?

In couples therapy we are really working toward having a healthy relationship. In the Gottman Method, we have defined a healthy relationship as having 7 layers called the “Sound Relationship House” with two pillars, trust and commitment. What each of these layers aims to achieve is improved communication, emotional connection, communication management skills, and creating shared meaning through our relationships. See therapy is not just about “fixing” a relationship, it is about enhancing it, making it better, and building it to last through any storm life throws your way.

This is part of why the Gottman Method focuses on the imagery of a house for a relationship because we need to build a foundation and infrastructure that can last through the challenges life presents.

How the Gottman Method Stands Out

The type of couples therapy I use is called the Gottman Method. This method of couples treatment really stands out because it is based on over four decades of research supporting its effectiveness in creating healthy relationships. This method provides clients with practical tools they can use immediately to build up the layers of the relationship. Another thing that I LOVE about the Gottman Method is it focused on building out the existing strengths of the relationship, instead of just focusing on the challenges in the relationship.

Is Couples Therapy Worth It?

So, back to the question at hand, “Is couples therapy worth it?” Again, YES! Gottman Method couples therapy is very successful in helping couples get “unstuck” in their relationship, whether it is the nuances of communication breakdowns, recurring arguments, or the lack of emotional intimacy. We take a holistic look at the relationship and work together to build up something new in the relationship.

Gottman Method couples therapy is also very successful in helping address deeper issues such as infidelity, repairing trust, or navigating life transitions like becoming a new parent or navigating empty nesterhood (not sure if this is a word…).

It is also very important to seek help sooner than later. In fact, Gottman Research has shown that it takes couples 6 years after an issue starts to seek help if they seek it at all. Imagine what relationships would look like if we opened ourselves up to support at the start of an issue instead of waiting for it to grow and fester into something big and seemingly unresolvable.

Couples therapy is also for healthy couples who want to thrive in their relationship. Having a Gottman Method Therapist can help couples identify the blind spots in their relationship and give them the tools to stay connected for the long haul.

Challenges and Realities of Couples Therapy

I will say, though, that couples therapy is a lot of work and a big investment. You have to put in the work during the sessions and outside of the sessions. You have to be open, at least somewhat, to addressing and entering into the emotional work involved and the discomfort of confronting painful issues.

This work also takes time. Often, we are undoing decades of damage in a relationship and years of learned communication patterns. Healing and change is a compilation of small changes over a long haul. Thus, it can cost a lot of time and money.

Ah yes, money. That is the big one. Couples therapy is rarely cheap. This is often because it costs a lot of money to become a trained and competent couples therapist as well as to continue engaging in research and skills development. I had a client say once, you pay for what you get, and that is so true. Please, I implore you, do not put your relationship into an incompetent couples therapist’s hands because it is cheap. This will do more damage than good. Pay for the good therapy and if you cannot afford it, ASK the therapist for a sliding scale rate. There are many ways that therapists work to make treatment affordable to those who want it. Speaking of those who want therapy…

Success in couples therapy largely depends on both partners’ commitment and willingness to apply learned skills and be open to the process of change. It is incredibly difficult to navigate change in a relationship when one person is willing and the other is not. That said, if your partner is willing to attend couples therapy that is an opening and an indication of willingness. The therapist can and will explore their resistance or hesitation to engage in the therapeutic process once you both are there.

Your Invitation to Take the First Step

Have I convinced you yet? Seeking help is a sign of courage and strength, not failure. Doing nothing and letting something fall apart, however, is a large indication that failure is on the horizon.

If you are ready for to take the first step I offer a free, 15-minute consultation to explore whether couples therapy is a good fit for you. I offer in-person therapy in Lakewood, CA, and virtual therapy in both California and Florida.

The value of couples therapy lies in the opportunity to grow, heal, and build a more connected and fulfilling relationship. Your relationship is worth the effort—and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

Is It Worth Going to Couples Therapy?